Handling Stressful or Difficult Conversations

In day-to-day life, you go through many stressful conversations. When you handle calmly and with respect for the other person, even the most challenging conversation can lead to an improved state of affairs for all involved.

        1. Choose the right time and place:

     If you are initiating the conversation, take the “emotional climate” into account. Do not hold the conversation when the other party is upset or angry. Respect the other person’s privacy by minimizing the chance that you may be overheard. Whenever possible, have this conversation face-to-face.

        2. Anticipate that you may not be on the same page:

     Different perceptions of intent, interpretations of the fact, and judgment about what is right or best are usually at the root of all sensitive conversation. When you begin with this is mind. You will not be surprised when these root issues arise. Remember, what may be logical to you may not be logical to others.

        3. Use a respectful tone:

     The tone in which you communicate is as important as what you say. Speak calmly with kindness and respect. Your tone should reflect your willingness for a good outcome which increases the likelihood that your message will be received in the manner in which you intend.

        4. Genuinely desire a win-win outcome:

     If you begin the conversation with the intent to win the other party to your point of you, you will often be disappointed instead, aim for a compromise or resolution that satisfies your goal and the need of the other person.

        5. Be empathetic:

     Try to understand the point of view as well as the emotional state of the other person. Ask questions to learn their perspective. Understanding the other party’s position, helps you make better decisions on how to address the situation. When you show genuine interest in understanding the other person’s side of the story, you are more effective in resolving the matter.

        6. Maintain eye contact:

      As in any constructive face-to-face communication, maintaining eye contact helps you understand the other person throughout the conversation and demonstrates your honesty and desire to listen to the other person.

        7. Stay in control:

     If you express anger, it is natural for the other person to respond accordingly to match your emotional state. Do whatever it takes to remain calm.

        8. Write it out:

     If time permits, it is helpful to put the details of the situation in writing. Include what you wish both parties to achieve. Doing so gives you an opportunity to consider all views and nuances of the situation.